you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
where does the pee come out of this thing
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
