Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
