There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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