She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
