Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
