My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
