I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
