Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
you had me at cake vodka
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
