I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Randomize
