Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
