My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
