i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
