on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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