I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
