i love accidental penises.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
