I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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