I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
