Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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