apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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