Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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