see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
