I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
