I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
