That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
