dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
