If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
