8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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