Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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