I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
