turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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