Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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