we have officially mastered the walk of shame
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
