I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
