Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
