Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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