he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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