Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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