im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
