I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
