Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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