i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
