The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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