level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
