The maid of honor just puked.
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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