Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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