...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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