Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
