Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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