pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
