Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
