My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
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