Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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