i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
